i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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