Christians are straight up FREAKS
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
