what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
