Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
