yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
