i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
