Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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