my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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