im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
