Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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