i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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