I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize