remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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