dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
