I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
