So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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