your thong is hanging out like whoa
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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