You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
