Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the day after is always just damage control
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
