...so i touched it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
