i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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