mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jerry, you need to find god
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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