96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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