First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
