we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
