Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
