What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
