drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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