She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
