The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
