Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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