I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
