I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
