Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
