I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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