i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
40s are totally the cure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
