She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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