So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
