You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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