Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize