Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
