i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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