five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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