How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Please don't give away my fajitas
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