My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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