I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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