So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this just has baby written all over it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
