Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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