Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
