Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
