were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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