I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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