her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
