When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet he comes in French.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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