Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
