I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize