I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
