Your face is a jimmy john
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Holy shit dude........stairs
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