We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
