he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
