Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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