What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
