I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
