I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
