I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize