i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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