I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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