I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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