How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The beer is more important than you right now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
