saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
