She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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