How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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