I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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