my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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