when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
