well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
