we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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